For many, pets become part of the fabric of their families and an integral element of their every day lives. From first thing in the morning until the household goes to bed, pets are a constant source of fun, companionship and love.
For those who live on their own and in particular the elderly, pets take on the role of confidant and provide a focus and structure for their days. The loss of pets in these circumstances can be devastating, as it can be for children who have often not known life without their pet.
So, despite the inevitability of death, the loss of a pet can trigger deep and powerful emotions.
Not everyone understands, though. Those who do not have pets, or do not have the same connection, can sometimes underplay the depth of emotions. But your feelings are your own and you should never feel ashamed or embarrassed of them.
The feelings that accompany the death of a pet are just as real as those we feel when a loved one dies, and take time to heal. It is worth remembering that there are five stages of grief – as originally laid out by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book ‘On Death and Dying’ – and understanding those can sometimes make grieving easier to process:
It is worth knowing that the process is not linear; people do not move smoothly from one stage to the next. Some might move quickly to depression before reverting back to anger, for example. Everyone’s path through grief is different.
As we have already seen, everyone grieves differently but there are some things that may be helpful to think about as you go through your bereavement:
They are your emotions: the death of a pet can bring out some peculiar reactions among others. Some may feel that you are over-reacting, that it’s ‘just a pet’ and that you should get on with your life. Do not let others tell you how to feel; they are your emotions and you should not feel embarrassed about them.
Maintain some degree of normality: after morning dog walks for years, it can be hard to stop overnight. If it helps, keep going for those walks trying to focus on the happy memories you created. If you have other pets, it’s important to maintain a normal routine so you can help them with their grief.
Saying ‘goodbye’: while not appropriate for everyone, some might find holding a funeral or memorial for their pet helps them express their feelings and may help with the grieving process.
Create a memento: it is not just children who want to remember their pets; adults can benefit too. Scattering ashes in a favourite place, planting a tree or putting together a photobook can help celebrate the life of your pet and focus on the happy times.
Find your tribe: speaking to others who have lost pets may help you deal with your emotions. Ask friends you know who have lost a pet, or connect with a local pet loss group so you can talk to people that understand how you are feeling.
Find professional help: if you think you need it, seek professional help through counselling. Do not worry about any stigma; you need to do what’s right for you to overcome your grief.